


I'm Alright (But Not Really)

by Take_Me_To_My_Fragile_Dreams



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-03
Updated: 2012-12-03
Packaged: 2017-11-20 03:52:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/581020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Take_Me_To_My_Fragile_Dreams/pseuds/Take_Me_To_My_Fragile_Dreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And he will adore Jace for breaking down everything he is and replacing it with the complete and utter filth that is this love he has inside.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Alright (But Not Really)

In the end Alec supposed he should of known he could never escape it. It was like a disease, hiding away inside his body and mind to the point where he'd thought he was finally cured and then _bang!_ Right when he was at his weakest it struck back out again with no mercy. Pulling him back into it's dark and haunting clutches _._ He both loved and loathed the pain it brought. For that pain was both bitter and warm. Both healing and ripping at the holes in his heart.

He'd been able to be rid of it for a time, replacing that pain with warmth and love and affection and Magnus Bane. He had deluded himself in thinking he would forever be rid of it. His mind conjuring up a fantasy where he spent forever with his Warlock. And then Magnus had left. Left over a misunderstanding that he didn't care to fix and Alec was left broken and weak and vulnerable for the disease and pain to take him over once more.

It wasn't Jace's fault. No not really. Alec knew this. For how could his parabatai know just what him being there for him did? How could he know that the comfort Jace offered him in-

_Arms wrapping around him as he sobs. A gentle voice whispering it would be okay-_

_Gentle hands stroking through his hair, lulling him to sleep and chasing away the haunting nightmares that threaten the edges of his mind-_

_A steady hand on his back as he passes some of Magnus' favorite places-_

_Narrowed eyes and an aura that warns the Warlock to fuck off before he gets a seraph blade shoved down his throat-_

_"You'll find someone else. Someone better."-_

No. Alec knew that the blonde knew nothing of what he was awakening. For surely if he did he would stay away, avoid him at all costs. But Jace doesn't know and that is perfectly fine with Alec because this _disease_ , this _thing_ that refuses to leave him, this disgusting _love_ that he holds for his parabatai is his drug now. The thing that keeps him afloat. And so long as Jace is ignorant to this, so long he is just being the comforting brother and the loyal friend, Alec will be fine. He will relish in the familiar disease eating away at his heart and mind until he can no longer think of anyone but the blonde. He will welcome the late night dreams that leave him in tears in the morning because that aren't real and he fucking _wishes_ with everything he _is_ that they are. He will bask in the jealousy that rips his heart apart with finely sharpened instruments when he watches Jace with Clary. And he will adore Jace for breaking down everything he is and replacing it with the complete and utter _filth_ that is this love he has inside. So yes, he'll be alright.

( _But not really_.)


End file.
